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when the sun goes down i feel like a tiger, teeth and all claws bared. and i don't think i can bear it, i don't think i can bear this ferocity burning up all of the clutter inside of me. i am an empty can sitting on a table - they're ashing all over me but if you say so, then maybe i am a little too hard on myself.
it's just like a river, this undercurrent of anger, and sometimes i want it to show. it's just that it pours out of me like a story that only i have read. and it feels like a present, i'm giving you a present that i really want you to have. it's just that i don't get your lack of this impulse, oh i want you to prove it don't just stand there do something - save me from this dark cold water before we go to sleep.
someone once told me i joke pretty frequently, like slightly above the average rate. i'm not trying to be funny i just want people to like me - it's easier and anyway what's wrong with a little energy? sometimes it all rushes me-
and we're running through the trees and the dirt's on our feet and the moon is the eye of a t-rex cloud, let's brush off the heat, let's let it leave our bodies and lift into the nighttime. i'll try to look into your eyes with the abandon i keep when i am outside, outside in the heat - but i'm pulling on socks and summer is gone, i'm pulling on socks and summer is gone.
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2. |
Blowin' my Mind again
04:39
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blowin' my mind again.
thinkin' about what to get fran on her birthday
and what to do on mine
and how it'll feel to hear her voice again sometime
i swear i'm not trying to be sad
but man it is hard to sleep
man it is hard to sleep alone at 8 o'clock
though i feel so huge
though i feel so huge when i close my eyes.
and i miss your light hand in mine
and i wanna dance with you- twirl you around
lazy white moon again.
and how i long to swim in your cool green breeze
and dream about soft skin
nothing around but snow and some deep sleep
in an ink black night
so drive somewhere with me
and fall asleep sitting next to me.
like it were new year's eve
like we're boiled tea in a crisp summer's breeze...
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3. |
I made a mix CD
03:51
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i think i'm bolder, i put the best song first - the one that makes me feel the saddest and the happiest. you know there's almost no difference like a phone call can ease no distance. i blame the endless repetition - if something's new, i think we'll know it, or we'll wait a while then get out of this country.
lily's taking orders and she's sleeping in his bed. we'll drive somewhere far away or maybe take a pill instead. i lie around all day, i think i still feel okay - ? - how many days will it take? oh god oh god
i dreamed i cooked a banquet and invited all my friends but as i stood in line to get some everyone just left and a stranger asked me to sign his arm cause i was a reality tv star - and space widens.
today i didn't get up till 4.
called my best friend and told him all my dreams.
i put on socks, thick socks, gloves on my feet. i am so cold in the morning - and i'm so tired of everything. i'm so tired of everything. i'm so tired of everything. i'm so tired of everything -
i blame the endless repetition (if something's new, i think we'll know it). i blame all the bad dreams that tell me i have no friends anymore.
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4. |
Coffee is Dead
03:17
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what is the protocol?
don't think i ever knew at all.
and now you're watching me, you're watching me be
(but i don't know how to be)
what is the prize? i'll win it if there is one
if there isn't i guess the joke's on me
i'll learn to tame my tongue
my reckless tongue
and learn to breathe more softly.
can't talk to you can't talk to anyone properly.
even if you gather me up there's still some on the floor to sweep away
sometimes i feel very sad
sometimes i feel very sad
guess i just wasn't made for these times.
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5. |
Smooth and broken
06:37
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oh glass
i picked you up today
you're smooth
and broken
oh but like you
i too am made of clay
i'm smooth
i'm broken
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6. |
Little Freak
04:08
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i tried to unwind but you wound me up so tight as your heart beat out of time and your heart beat out of time. when i stood and called your name, felt like my mouth wasn't mine and it didn't sound the same, no it didn't sound the same.
you must be insane, thinking i'll do anything, well i guess things never change oh well some things never change - the car engine has stalled now you've turned off the machine - you already have it all you know you have all of me -
i tried to unwind but you wound me up so tight as your heart beat out of time and your heart beat out of time. oh i thought it'd be okay once the clock reset its sights- then you came back to me for a moment in the night- the car engine has stalled now you've turned off the machine, you already have it all, you know you have all of me. now there's nothing left to prove, i think we just disagree when you're carefully retracing the outlines of my body. i compare too much, yeah i line em side by side, but it's you who doesn't touch and it's you who simplifies- i would rather be mute than to let you neutralize-
it didn't turn okay.
it didn't make a sound.
today you slipped away.
today i wasn't found.
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7. |
You have your school
03:59
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why are you so cold to me today? i sprained my ankle today.
i looked around the house- the grass was wet
you have your school and i have feelings
kelly carried me home
i can see through your clothes, you should have left your hat on
your new glasses are weird, past you i look right on
you should not have ignored me,
you should have left your hat on
your brain is a muscle- your face looks different to me
your brain is a muscle- your face looks different to me
why are you so cold?
didn't say something to me-
i'm not trying
just forget it this time
you have your school- and i have my feelings
you have your school- and i have my feelings
i sprained my ankle
kelly carried me home
you should not have ignored me. you should have left your hat on. your new glasses are weird. past you i look right on
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8. |
Sitting On a rock
03:26
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sitting on a rock in cold air
you're sitting there with me-
dark white purple in the breeze with wet hair
and i know
i think i know it was a good idea to come.
now the summer's breeze
it's wet with wine and dead trees.
and i'm sitting on a train
there's water in the morning when i'm trying to sleep
and i know
i think i know there's a place where i can go.
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9. |
Father's Day
03:46
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it is father's day, i spent most of it on a highway in a traffic jam, got home at 3pm. but am/pm are flipped in shanghai - dad was asleep already so i left him a message and waited till night (morning) - imagined him getting it on his iphone in a big green chat bubble.
morning comes - it is 11pm - i have just fallen asleep watching LA confidential. someone just shot someone through an elevator door, bloody bloody mess
-go upstairs and brush your teeth, mom says, waking me up - my feet are cold. go upstairs to the bathroom, i am wearing my thick socks even though it's summer.
call dad and he answers happy and echoey, but clear. i imagine him in his glass office maybe - no, that might be too fancy
after initial greetings, we run out of conversation. we talk about having a good father's day and how it's only recently celebrated in china. we talk about home videos, about the fake smiles i used to make when i was a baby and how everyone always told me to pose for the camera and how he would always tell me not to.
he laughed hard. i told him two more. his laughs were more forced those times, though - i thought those were funnier
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10. |
What good is that
03:21
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every time you smile like that,
you tear my soul apart
you tear my soul apart.
and what good is that?
i can't pick you up
and you're so far away-
every time you smile like that,
you tore my soul apart
you tore my soul apart
and what good is that?
you're just a golf ball sticking halfway out of the stand
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